Lessons learned

I've shared this in other formats with various people, but its time that my blog world know that I resigned from my position at University of Maine at Machias effective this coming Friday, October 30th. This was an incredibly difficult decision to make.

Living out here in the midddle of nowhere coastal Maine has been a real adventure. A true adventure. Stores close for the season, the weather is brutal, and I'm hours away from formerly essential stores and necessities. I've learned a lot from my time out here....from how tides work, what attracts seals and whales to coastal rivers, to how to make a wreath from balsam tips, to how run a sound and light board in an auditorium, to how to mange a $60K budget, to how to implement a H1N1 emergency plan. But, I have also learned a lot of personal lessons....most of which were unexepcted and sometimes...unwelcomed.

I've learned that at 28 years old I've pushed so hard and so fast on my education and career that I've not really paused to think about the WHY of what I am doing....but have just focused on doing...and doing to a perfectionist degree. I've lived and breathed for pushing my career as hard as I could and have found myself dreading the work that I do, the phone ringing, and have found that my skills diminish because of that pushing.

I've learned that I have emotionally moved away from my parents and family physically and emotionally and its only been in the last year and a half that I have felt an underlying calling to get back to them and get back further into their lives. I've learned that my parents are always my parents, and they will always love me. And to quote both of them...they could "never be disappointed in me"...thank god for that, because I've been fearful of disappointing them for months. And I have a sister and brother in law that will always listen and help...and always have an open bed for me at their place.

I've learned that its ok to listen to Christmas music in October if it puts a smile on your face and in your heart. Despite what others might say!

I've learned that having a kidney disease isn't a death sentence, but rather a calling to not only monitor my health, but push my health to be better. I've gotten sick in bad ways, and I am tired of being a victim to my illnesses. I've learned that, in the most basic of ways, if I chose to ignore my emotions and intuitions that I will get sick...and that sickness will debilitate me in a way that cripples the rest of my life. And from that, I know I need to take charge of my physical and emotional health...and that starts now. For real.

I've learned what it means to have an incredible best friend and a completely loving girlfriend. This is the first time in my life where those individuals are two separate people, and I am learning how healthy and fulfilling that is. Stephanie has been my rock and in my corner always as a loving, caring, and incredibly honest mirror of a best friend. I know she will always be in my corner and supportive of me...in all of my valleys and hills. From Marissa....I've learned that I am not broken to all relationships because of my past. I know what my values are, I know how to share them, and I know what honesty and communication really mean in a relationship. She challenges me, laughs with me, cries with me, shares books with me, and sees life in a similar way to me. The health and vitality of my relationship with her is a daily breath of fresh air that I am so grateful for. I hope we can take our relationship to a new level soon.

I've learned that the love that I have for animals is incredible and deep. With the deterioration and loss of my lovely Betty in September, I've learned the pain of having to let go when you are not quite ready, but the peace of knowing that you've helped care, love, and provide for an animal that loved you everyday of their life. Betty was with me everyday of the last six years...and I'd like to think its not just me that is thankful for those six years. With our family just losing Sherbie yesterday, I've experienced another loss of a feline friend. There's not really words to go with the loss of our pet loved ones.



With these lessons and more, I've learned that I made a decision in my life that I thought was the right one...and its turned out not necessarily to be right for me anymore. As I got on the plane back from my trip to Wisconsin and Iowa back in mid-September, I had a nasty feeling in my gut. I felt like I was doing the wrong thing....I was going somewhere I shouldn't be, and doing something I shouldn't be. A month later, in shambles and completely sick, with the help of my family, girlfriend, and friends I came to the conclusion that I need to listen to that ever-growing intuition. Professionally....I've learned a lot, and even in three short months on the job I've learned lessons and skills that I couldn't have learned had I stayed in Iowa. Personally, I've learned its time that I stop, breath, get back to my family, girlfriend, and friends....and its time to take stock and figure out what my priorities in life really should be.

This will be my last post on this blog. Next week I'll take the blog down. And maybe what I do is start a new blog for a new chapter in my life. Who knows.


I'm 28 years old, unemployed as of a week from now, and have relatively no idea of what I want to do with my life. But, as everyone keeps telling me....it will all turn out ok and it WILL be ok. So, now it's time to help folks open some windows and let some fresh air into my life...